Fragments
by polymorphine
Summary: Set after Tourniquet, Episode 7.12
1. Chapter 1

Paula's hand hesitates for a split second, holding the key to Harvey's apartment, about to enter his habitat without his permission.

But, he wouldn't have given her his key if he would have been against her actually using it, right?

Although she was perfectly aware that it was a more symbolic kind of gesture, and that it never occurred to him that she would force her entry without his knowledge, she still slides the key into the lock and turns it around.

She tried to reach him on his cell phone half night long, only to go straight to voicemail time after time, making a fool of herself for waiting for him in this godforsaken restaurant, all by herself, convincing the waiter that she still expected company for what felt like an eternity.

She saw the pity in the waiter's eyes, every time he came around by her table, luring her to finally order something else than wine.

But she didn't give in.

She just left and went straight to Harvey's apartment.

The Chardonnay on her empty stomach not quite marginally influenced her decision making, but in the end she was aware that she would have ended up on his doorstep one way or another.

She wasn't sure what she hoped to find after intruding, or what would be worse.

Him lying in bed, sound asleep, his cell phone unnoticed out of battery, and his busy schedule permitting him to forget about their date tonight.

That option sounded forgivable.

And it didn't sound like Harvey at all.

Him on his couch, a twenty something beauty sitting on his lap, while he nips on his beloved Macallan 25.

Yes, that did sound like Harvey, but not the Harvey she got to know and love.

And yes, she was definitely in love with him.

And no, he would never betray her.

Of that she was absolutely sure.

So it must have been something work related.

As always.

Ever since he got the managing partner position, he has been struggling with the pressure that came along with it, juggling with his work and life balance, and had the habit of putting his work first before anything else.

Even before her sometimes.

She tolerated it, she understood him, and she believed that he wasn't doing that to cause her pain or harm, although he neglected her and cut her short.

But not once he stood her up like he did tonight.

There have been canceled dates on an extremely short notice, there have been times he had to elope in the middle of a romantic dinner, but he always made sure that she was informed about it.

And what happened today was extremely unlike anything she has seen of Harvey so far.

And that fact left a twisted sensation in her guts.

Something was wrong.

As she already was there, she could at least open up some wine.

And wait for him while she was at it.

And there was always this Bordeaux he talked about.

Well.

* * *

The warmth of the first sunbeams of a new day gently stroke her cheek, pulling her out of her drunken sleep, the remained liquid in the half empty glass of the Bordeaux painting ruby red patterns on the couch table next to her.

Apparently she fell asleep, fully clothed, on Harvey's couch, after another half bottle of wine.

And apparently he hasn't been home the whole night.

After taking a quick shower and scavenging the drawers to find some fresh clothes for her to change into, ending up with a simple white shirt, Paula leaves the apartment.

It seemed that now was the time for another round of drastic measures.

* * *

"Harvey!"

Harvey turns his head to the familiar voice, a voice he should have recognized sooner than after the 3 milliseconds he needs to put it in a reasonable frame.

His nose still tingles from Donna's red locks, her smell of lavender and a bit of cinnamon, and he honestly needed a moment to focus on anything else but that.

And he takes his time.

He stares Paula right into the eyes.

His eyes automatically scan the expression distorting her features, and he sees everything he doesn't want to see right now.

After the sharp inhale following the shock, his thumb starts to fumble around the elevator buttons.

And he presses the button to close the elevator door.

And after that the button for the upper floor.

The rooftop.

He just simply does not know what else to do.

* * *

"Harvey!"

The bag with bagels in her hand felt twice the load it should have, her voice sounded quite hysterical, and she couldn't help any of that.

Her body overpowered her mind, the adrenaline rushed through her veins like the racing cars of Monte Carlo, and her breathing, although rapid and sufficient, almost made her still suffocate by the sight of Harvey and his secretary, oh wait, new COO, in a deep embrace.

Her throat had some difficulties in pushing out another 'Harvey!', as sore as it was, the tears forcing their way into her eyelids, and she felt exactly the way she felt before.

With her ex-husband.

Who betrayed her.

The guilty look in both her ex-husband's and Harvey's gaze overlapped, combined and exponentially multiplied the amount of pain and anger that she already experienced and obviously would have to experience once again.

The rage overpowering her normally calm and well-balanced behaviour, Paula's lungs fill with air for the outburst boiling in her chest, when to her absolute surprise, the elevator doors close, hiding the scandalous scene in front of her, and the floor numbers start to light up one after another.

Well, she wouldn't let this bastard so easily get away with this.

Not this time.

As soon as the elevator comes to a halt at the highest number in the row displayed above it, she presses the button for the elevator next to this specific one and enters as soon as the doors slide open with a 'Pling'.

* * *

"Harvey?"

Donna's voice is a sheer whisper compared to the turmoil that has gripped her heart with an unforgiving and unyielding fist ever since she heard Paula's cry out.

Her arms are still wrapped around his shoulders, her eyes attempting to search his while he is avoiding hers, staring at the elevator buttons he so rigorously pushed seconds ago instead as the elevator engines start to perform their task, lifting them both up from one floor to the next.

"Harvey, you can't do this. Look at me."

Her hands softly wander up his neck to his jawline, feeling the tensity that has befallen the muscles and tendons of his face, yet still forcing him to finally look at her.

"Harvey..."

"Donna, I…"

"Harvey, you have to talk to Paula."

She almost wasn't capable of pressing the words out of her mouth, but she knew they had to be said.

"Whatever your decision is, you have to talk to her first. You have to figure out what you want. What you really want, Harvey."

"Donna…"

The attenuated sounds of the engines suddenly stop, as the elevator reaches its final destination and the doors slide open, revealing the rooftop, dipped in the bright morning sun.

"Talk to her."

Even with the high heels she's wearing, Donna has to stretch a little to be able to slightly caressing his cheek with her lips just before she exits the elevator, but not before pressing the down button for him.

"I'll wait here, Harvey."

She turns her back on him, incapable of watching the doors close between them, maybe forever.

* * *

His perfume on her wrist felt just like home.

The scent filled her nostrils, filled her being, reminded her with every single tingle of the spicy combination between the fresh hints and the dark spices why she would always choose him over everything else.

Not that she found this fragrance that dashing on any other individual, and she could always sense this specific brand of aftershave, even in the subway, all the way down to the very last row.

But the combination of his skin with this cologne promised something else.

It promised something she could not describe, at least not to people who had some logical sense left in their minds.

It made her feel seduced, derailed and where she actually belonged at the same time.

It felt and smelled like something similar she could have called home.

Ever since her parents got the divorce, she moved from one place to another, never feeling home, never feeling the need to crawl back there after a hard day at work, never feeling the need to even go there in the first place.

But this felt like home, sniffing on her wrist.

It smelled like everything they have been through for the past decade, and it smelled like a promise that there could be several dozens of years to follow.

Maybe not on exactly the same terms they have been on for that period, but maybe even something better.

God, she has missed that odor on her skin.

Ever since he left after the one time.

Ridiculous as it is, she started to give him this aftershave for every christmas.

Pitiful, indeed.

But what else could she have done?

She wanted more.

And she excused it everytime it did not happen with the motion that he just wasn't capable of more.

And then along came Paula.

And now she was staring at the fire escape plan on the wall, realizing she did not have any escaping plan of her own.

What if he would choose Paula over her?

What if he would abandon her?

What if everything they have been through doesn't count?

And what if he would choose her?

Although she had plenty of drinks behind her this night, Donna longed for another.

* * *

Ever since he heard and saw Paula, Harvey was in a trance.

He watched his fingers performing movements with the elevator buttons, he saw Donna's lips forming words, he felt her lips on his cheek, but was completely numb through all of that, only trying to piece together the shattered fragments of his mind.

And heart obviously.

As the doors separated him from Donna, all he wanted was to go back to her.

Destroying these fucking doors if he had to.

Instead he tried to push the open door button, but his trance forbid him to act on time for this to work out.

So now, he was on his way down.

Literally and figuratively.

He had no idea what to say to Paula, he had not the slightest goddamn clue what to do, and by now only 14 floors left to figure it out.

He wished it would be 140 instead.

He needed time.

He needed a fucking drink and some fucking time.

Somewhere in the corner of his conscience he knew that he couldn't simply go up again and forget he ever saw Paula, the pain in her eyes, the betrayal.

Donna was right as always.

It never annoyed him as much as in this moment.

She usually was right, it was her thing, but he wished she wouldn't be this time.

He felt the urge to go back to the moments before Paula, when he was about to explore for himself what it was exactly that he felt for Donna, without her forcing it or pushing him.

And just when he was about to be certain, they reached the down floor, and now it was a mess all over again.

He needed time.

He needed to be with Donna, talk to her or simply enjoy her presence, or search for the answers to his questions in her hazel eyes before he could even remotely know what to say to Paula.

And Donna prohibited him from taking this time he so desperately needed.

Paula as well.

As if they both made up a plan culminating in his destruction.

The elevator reached the 2nd floor by now, and Harvey knew what he would do and say.

To Paula.

And to Donna.


	2. Chapter 2

Paula had to take several deep breaths as soon as the small cabin started moving upwards.

Her pulse was elevating with the same speed the floor numbers got higher and higher, her normally voluptuous lips pressed together to a thin line.

She still couldn't believe what she just saw with her own eyes, or how Harvey reacted.

She was aware that she would have to be prudent now, calm and understanding, instead she was boiling up from the inside.

With her experience as a therapist she should have known how to handle herself and this situation, but as a woman who just saw her boyfriend in a rather compromitting embrace with this other woman, who then outright fled the scene and therefore a confrontation, she was more than just furious.

If this whole episode would have been an absolutely harmless event, as indeed Harvey was friends with this woman for the past decade, he would have turned around to Paula, smiled, and give her a little smootch on the cheek.

Instead she caught him burying his hand in the other woman's neck, wrapping the other arm around this woman's waist, and his lips just inches away from hers.

There was no denial that what Paula has seen was neither innocent nor even remotely something friends would habitually do.

She was categorically certain that he was about to kiss this other woman, and if she wouldn't have interrupted this scene of intimate tete a tete, in a few seconds it would have accumulated in exactly that.

And she did not have the slightest clue how it came this far.

She thought they were happy.

A great couple.

In love.

But she thought precisely the same before she found out her husband was cheating on her.

And this bastard owed her an explanation, even though she knew it would be insufficient and more a stringing together of mumbled words, lies and excuses.

* * *

The refreshing and clarifying effect of the early morning breeze almost unnoticeably transformed to a cold and harsh wind, the warmth of the frequent sunbeams that managed their way through the clouds only a weak opponent in this rivalry, unable to prevent the goosebumps starting to run up and down Donna's spine.

It was a stupid idea to wait here for Harvey.

The clothes she was wearing clearly did not provide her with the required cover under those circumstances, and god knows how long Harvey would take to return to her.

If he would even return to her.

Stupid.

She should just go.

But she couldn't forget the look on his face, or his hand slowly wandering up to her neck, or his lips striking her skin.

Or the force he invested to remain in their embrace when she thought it was about to get out of hand.

She also knew he fled the scene of their crime, and she knew as well he would never be able to be with her if a guilty conscience would haunt him for the rest of his life.

Harvey wasn't a cheater.

But she grew tired of putting his needs above hers.

She needed him.

She wanted him.

She shouldn't have send him to Paula.

And now he would not come back to her and she would freeze to death on this godforsaken rooftop.

Although she was pretty sure there has been a moment when he was about to realize he actually wanted her too, and not as his secretary or friend, she couldn't be confident it lasted longer than this exact moment.

Despite the sharp strikes the wind leaves on her cheeks, Donna wanders off to the edge of the roof, bending slightly over.

Staring on the concrete all the way down, her eyes finally fill up with the restrained tears, as there is no point in holding them back any longer.

Suddenly she recognizes a movement in the corner of her blurred view, as the door to the rooftop opens smoothly.

* * *

Harvey clears his throat to prepare himself as the elevator doors are about to reveal another sight of the devastated and quite angry Paula in the lobby.

He knew what was awaiting him, he was aware of the consequences, and he thought this through in the little amount of time he had to the utter efficiency of his limited capability in those sort of matters.

He would make it quick.

He would apologize.

He would try to make it as easy as it was humanly possible.

But the truth had to be said, and the truth was he liked Paula, he liked to be with her, but...

But there was Donna.

And he needed time to think.

As much as he wanted to believe he had sincere feelings for Paula, the moment

Donna's lips touched his, it all faded into oblivion.

And if he ever cheated on somebody, then this somebody was himself.

He cheated on himself for years and more years to follow.

It had to stop eventually.

And right now apparently was the time.

Armoured with this insight, Harvey steps into the lobby, only to find no Paula among the people hasting through it.

To his own surprise, the determination he felt before washes out of his system, immediately to be replaced by relief.

Just to be certain, his eyes search the faces, checking the corners, but Paula obviously already was gone.

* * *

"Where's Harvey?"

Paula's voice cuts through the prevalent cacophonous disharmony of the wind, startling Donna to the core.

"Paula…"

"Still Dr. Agard to you. Where the hell is Harvey?"

Donna has to blink the tears out of her eyes to focus on Paula Agard, who is maneuvering herself towards her position, the blonde hair a sheer banquet for the wind playing its games.

"He… He just left, I thought…"

"I honestly don't care what you think, Donna Paulsen. I have had more than enough of you trying to sabotage my relationship with Harvey. And you know what? I know something you obviously don't. I've seen it ever since my first session with him, and you are definitely not getting it. He doesn't want you. He never wanted you. I even actually pity you."

"Paula, what…"

"He's not in love with you, Donna. Why can't you see this? You are not the right woman for him. If you would know him so well as you like to think, how could this simple fact never have crossed your mind? It is just so damn obvious."

Paula has to swallow once or twice, neglecting the soreness in her throat remaining there after this outburst.

"For years and years, why do you think you both never had a relationship? Why do you think it never even occurred to him? And, oh, he is well aware of the feelings you have for him, trust me. But you never got the hint. Well, what can I say. Where is Harvey? He's not even here with you. He never will. Deep down he knows you are no match for him. He's Harvey Specter. You are just a secretary. You never will be anything else to him, and you know it."

Paula rigorously turns around, heading back to the door.

* * *

OK, Specter, so what now?

Harvey takes a seat in the lobby for the sole purpose of not to be standing around like a fucking idiot while his sleep deprived brain is trying to figure out the next step.

Paula left.

Donna was upstairs, waiting and anticipating.

He had to go up, even if he only could tell Donna the absolute truth, meaning that he had to postpone the whole endeavor.

Or he could call Paula.

Or not.

Anyway, Paula wasn't here, and Donna was.

In the end, that said it all.

Making his way back to the elevators, along with at least 2 dozen of other employees of this huge complex, he knew it would take a while.

And indeed, it did.

People rushing to their workplace, exiting and entering, the elevator stopped on almost every fucking floor there was that separated him from Donna.

The maximum amount of annoyance was distributed by an ex colleague, a mail delivery boy, who despite the given fact that there was a maintenance elevator

for the staff, still decided to use the main one, stopping on every floor he had a delivery to make, blocking the doors with his waggon so no one could move forward before he would be back.

Somehow this resemblance to his own life struck Harvey.

He has putted his life on hold, as well as Donna's.

He simply never got the magnitude of that.

He didn't do it out of malinformation, he didn't do it out of neglect.

He did it out of complete ignorance.

But he would set it right.

He would tell Donna that she had to be patient, that he couldn't talk to Paula, that he needed some time to solve this, that he had some feelings for her he could not rationalize and that…

Fuck it.

He would just kiss her.

He would, eventually, end up on the rooftop, if this pale rookie of a mail delivery boy finally finished his tour, then he would go straight up to Donna, and make things understandable for even the most imbecile of minds.

He wouldn't need to tell her shit.

She would know it all.

Solid plan.

Except that after he got to the rooftop, he found it empty.

There was no sign of Donna.

* * *

Donna watched carefully as the doors closed behind Paula Agard, not being able to believe to the last moment she just heard what she heard coming out of that woman's mouth.

She always thought that Dr. Agard was a decent person, and not in one million years she would have seen this coming.

Sometimes Donna, although always claiming otherwise, but sometimes she was wrong.

And probably this time, this Dr. Agard was right, and Donna wasn't.

* * *

"Harvey! Where the hell have you been?"

The very moment Harvey gets out on the Pearson Specter Litt floor, heading to Donna's office, he hears the penetrating voice of Louis behind his back, interrupting his pace.

"Louis, I'm very glad to see that the sleeping beauty finally woke up. We have some good news, so where is Donna? She's the one who dug up some dirt on Van Dyke, so where the hell is she?"

"Wait, what? She just left, she said she has some things to take care of and…"

Harvey's intonation levels with his inner turmoil, not eluding the emotional aspect any more.

"She left? When? What things Louis?"

"Harvey, I… I just saw her passing by, grabbing her coat and handbag, and that was it. I asked her where she was going and she said she has some things that need her immediate attention. I swear, I don't know anything else, that's all she said. Harvey, what the hell is going on here? I know something happened between the two of you, but with Van Dyke it is…"

"Yes Louis, it is not the time right now."

"Harvey…"

"Louis, call Alex and tell him to meet me in two hours in my office. Send Rachel and Mike home, go home yourself. We all need a shower and some fresh clothes before dealing with Van Dyke. I'll get some breakfast. And call Donna for me, will you? Two hours, my office. By the way, it seems like we got Van Dyke by his balls."

The mischievous grin Harvey manages to put upon his face is not even remotely capable of covering up the incidents of last night.

Or this very morning.


	3. Chapter 3

Harvey slips his key into the lock, his head spinning from the events of the past 24 hours, his body craving some rest, or at the very least a hot shower, as he notices the bottle of his beloved Bordeaux on his couch table, half empty, next to a half full glass of wine.

Someone intruded his apartment, and he was pretty sure he knew who that might have been.

Paula.

No wonder she hasn't been sticking around at the lobby.

She already was pissed as she waited for him the whole night.

And the previous evening.

He did leave her hanging at the restaurant, he did not take her calls, he did nothing.

And he would continue doing that.

At least until he would take a shower.

But as soon as the hot drops hit his shoulders, his body goes into remission.

His muscles soften up, losing the tension they have been under, and even smooth the sharp edges of his inner dilemma.

While shampooing his hair, stimulating the nerve cells in his brain with foam and fingers, he also gets aware that he would have not given two shits about Paula, while being on the way up to Donna.

He would have kissed her, things would have been taking their natural course, and

he wouldn't have to think twice about it.

But now, he has to.

Paula left.

Donna left.

A grim suspicion was about to start to grow in his chest.

Maybe the two parties in his very own love triangle intertwined.

Somehow.

In this short amount of time very unlikely, but then there was the mail delivery boy…

He should have called Donna himself.

Nevertheless, first he should get his shit together.

The meeting with Alex, the ambush on Van Dyke.

He needed to be capable to pull his very best poker face right out of his sleeve.

Top game.

Doing his Harvey Specter magic.

This other shit had to wait.

And he needed some shaving.

Rubbing the steamy mirror dry so he was able to see his face, exactly two things popped up in his mind.

First, the wrinkles around his eyes got much much deeper since yesterday.

And second, the overall expression of his face matched the description of a lost and quite disoriented puppy.

Except it was imprinted into an old man's face.

Jesus, the last night really took a toll on him.

No way he could manage Van Dyke with that set of mind, and face.

He had to look as dashing as ever, awake, aware, like the meanest shark in the tank.

Not like this.

After pouring an appropriate amount of cold water upon his face, trying to dissolve the dark shadows under his eyes, undergoing a sharp shave, and much more hair product as usual, Harvey gives up.

Now only his best suit could fix this.

The dark grey wool and silk mix of the Tom Ford provides him with a good contrast to his worn out state, even alleviating the red in his eyes.

Carefully choosing the tie and belt, along with the shoes, he feels equipped for the day.

In the end, he still remained to be Harvey Specter.

And he really did not under any circumstances want Donna to see how devastated he actually was.

He wanted to look unruinable.

Unbreakable.

Like Harvey Specter.

* * *

Donna just had to get out of there.

She knew she would be needed later on, she knew she would be an asset, but right now she was just a woman.

Who needed to flee the scene.

The things Paula said to her, nutritioning her own doubts, filling her with a tar like desperation, slowing down her casually witted responses, and burying her 10 feet under.

She was not built to fight a demise, she was built to be a threat.

And now it was the time to prepare for being exactly that.

She took a cab to her apartment, she kicked off her shoes the moment she entered, she uncorked a bottle of cooled Chardonnay, pouring herself a glass, taking a small sip before entering the bathroom in order to take a shower.

She took her time.

Using all the available products in her reach, opening a recently bought body lotion with calendula and walnut butter, investing more care on her eye makeup than usual, she began to feel armoured for the battle.

She wanted to look like nothing ever happened.

Bulletproof.

Even though her heart took one strike or even two, fuck it, let's name it, a reasonable deadly amount, she refused to look defeated.

* * *

Harvey orders Ray to make a stop at his favourite bagel shop on his way back to the Pearson Specter Litt office.

He studies the spread, assembling various combinations, choosing the contents very carefully.

Especially for Donna.

Avocado and Pancetta.

And yes, he took the smoked salmon on his cream cheese one as she recommended.

And some vanilla in his coffee.

The mango goat cheese bagel with rucola sounded like the one for Rachel,

the bacon and cheddar sounded like the one for Mike.

And Louis got the same as Harvey.

Some extra Omega 3 intake surely wouldn't do any harm.

Even to Louis.

The content of the bags he carries back to his drive smell delicious, the freshly baked goods thrilling his olfactory receptors, distinctly reminding him to what extent he was apparently starving by now.

Taking a sip from the dark roasted brew in his cup in order to rise the caffeine in his bloodstream to a more elevated level, Harvey observes how the New York City streets awaken to full bloom, inescapably resulting in a massive traffic jam.

* * *

Every wave that took away the particles of her heart, one bit by bit, turning them into sand, into foam, washing out the edge between the waters and lands, obscuring the line, the corrosion compromising the fibers of her being, well, even the makeup couldn't cover that.

She was broken.

And this time she knew she couldn't fix it herself.

She had no fucking clue what to do next.

And she claimed to be Donna.

Who was omniscient.

But not this time.

Yet, the Chardonnay was still on the table.

She decided to take another sip.

Right now, there was nothing else she could do.

Except putting on this gorgeous Donna Karan dress.

* * *

Louis' way home took a bit more time than he anticipated.

First of all, he couldn't reach Donna.

That was a problem, as Harvey made it pretty crystal clear that she was essential for their further motion against Van Dyke.

And then, to top it all off, there was the traffic jam that he did not include into the calculation of his schedule at all.

And while searching through some stuff in his drawers he even stumbled across an old sleeping shirt of Sheila.

That was not a good promise for today.

Whatever was going on with the firm, Harvey, and Donna, he had some difficulties to deal with his own issues.

Sheila would marry someone else in a couple of days.

Or in 34 hours and 28 minutes.

And 18 seconds.

Not that he was counting.

But he was.

Now it was 34 hours, 28 minutes and 12 seconds.

He still had to take a shower.

And call this lady with the breed of Maine Coons.

Yes, he missed Bruno dearly, always would, and no one could ever replace him, but there was no reason why no other specimen of god's greatest Creation of All Times, summed up to CAT, shouldn't benefit from the profit it found in Litt hands.

And the big house he got, with a garden, felt empty without a furry friend.

He missed a companion.

Someone he could take care of.

He looked at some pictures displayed on the website, and one specific kitten caught his attention.

It was not a perfect example of the breed, but it had eager and intelligent emerald eyes, curious but clever.

And he immediately fell in love.

He of course had to set a meeting, a little get to know, smelling fingers and everything, but he was sure that Balthasar, he just looked like a Balthasar, would like him too.

If he couldn't have Sheila, at least he would have Balthasar.

* * *

"MIke, what else can I say? Donna said just that, and that's about it."

Rachel thoroughly removes her makeup, while her mirrored image stares directly at Mike.

"What do you mean that's about it? This shit is huge, Rachel!"

Rachel sighs, the ambiguity forcing its way out of her.

"I know! I know it's hilariously huge."

"Can't you do something? Like talk to her or something?"

Mike shaking his head, was indeed to much for her to handle.

As if she was the one who has failed.

"Let me assure you, I tried. I reached my limits of confidentiality."

"Great, that's just fucking great."

"OK then, why don't you talk to Harvey? I mean, I bet he should have a lot to say about this as well. But that is just a wild guess."

* * *

Arriving at the office with two full bags filled with bagels, and 3 trays of coffee along with it, Harvey could not rather decide if he should feel just stupid or like a complete idiot.

No one was there.

He checked his watch, and he was actually late already.

But, despite of everything, he at least had a good excuse.

He bought breakfast.

Even a simple cream cheese bagel for Alex.

This shit was Donna's job, or it used to be.

But of course she would have known that Alex would prefer something with an extra something on top of something.

Fuck this crap.

His staff wasn't around, although he ordered them to be there.

He just wished Donna would have gone with him for the bagel hunt.

They could have had some time, some normal routine, he would have seen her in full action, ordering each bagel precisely to each specific preference, and he would have watched in awe, maybe nagging a little because she was taking so long, and maybe while they would be waiting for the order, his pinky finger would absolutely involuntarily touch hers.

Absolutely random.

In the end, this stuff happens, alright?

Instead his pinky finger absolutely involuntarily touched a frequent male customer of 200 pounds, who apparently decided not to put any investment in his personal hygiene whatsoever.

Harvey surely did not have any interest in starting this morning like that.

Or any morning at all.

Ever.

* * *

"What? What do you mean Balthasar is reserved? I'm gonna pay you triple the price you asked for on your shitty homepage, I'm gonna provide him with a proper home and everything, how can you even say that? Wh..what? You called him Lucky? I … I should sue you just for that, you..."

Louis has to take several deep breaths to calm his nerves.

"...you...very lucky person who owns the cat I would create heaven on this earth for."

He made the call to the cat lady, but someone else already reserved this unperfect but yet still remarkable kitten.

This person would be there in the afternoon, around 3 o'clock, and if Louis wanted to have this specific kitten, he would have to be there as well and arrange some sort of deal with the other party.

Louis definitely would be in his element.

There was not a hint of doubt in his mind he would be having Balthasar by the end of the day,

As much as you can HAVE a cat really.

Louis knew, the cat chooses you and not the other way around.

And if the other party was more worth it, although he had his concerns, he would let Balthasar go.

One could never be an owner of this magnificent creature, and you could only be lucky if this creature chose you to be its slave.

But there was something he could do about the other interested people, and get rid of the rivals.

He could pay them off, and if that wouldn't work, well, he surely had other aces up his sleeve.

He would Litt them the fuck up.

* * *

Harvey's yet unproven condition of cardiac arrhythmia sets another example of its existence as Donna enters his office, the first of the bunch he was expecting.

The black dress she's wearing is hugging her body like a glove, accentuating her curves, though still obscuring the delicate parts in a very elegant way,

Harvey has to swallow a few times before he manages to reassure his vocal chords to mumble a not so hoarse "Donna."

The serene muttered "Harvey" as a response was quite not what he expected.

"I got you a bagel."

"That's very generous of you, thanks."

"I got you the pancetta and avocado."

"That's very thoughtful, thank you. I mean, I mentioned it before but... I thought, you wouldn't...Anyway, I see you got some coffee too so I just…"

Harvey couldn't resist any longer.

He gets out of his chair and goes straight up to her.

Harvey positions himself right next to her, avoiding her suspicious eyes, facing the new morning New York skyline instead.

His hand almost automatically reaches out to Donna's.

He feels her fingers intertwine with his, the warmth of her palm, and it fills him with the same comfort and electricity as it did before when it happened as Jessica decided to leave PSL.

Neither event was a pleasant one, but she shared it with him, despite of it all.

He tightens the grip.

"Donna.."

"Harvey, don't."

In the periphery of his sight he grasps that Donna's eyes cumulated some wet particles in the corners while saying that.

"Donna, you know."

His voice is smooth, even though the pervasive nature of his endeavour is scratching his throat.

"I don't think I know, Harvey."

He slightly shakes his head, even producing a smirk.

"Of course you know. You knew for a long time."

Donna's eyes wander from the radiant view of the displayed maginifiency of human achievement to another, her personal favourite.

Only catching his profile enlightened by the morning sun, his maroon eyes narrowed, but the slight roughness of his fingers on hers still present.

"Honestly this time I failed. I don't know. I really don't, Harvey."

"Of course you know, you always knew. But I didn't."

His eyes finally meet hers, his hand loses its grip on hers, before provokingly slowly moving up her arm, only to come to a halt reaching the connection between herˆ marble neck and the jawbone, striking the exquisite line gently with his thumb.

His eye colour transforms to melted sugar, exploring her features, discovering his salvation in her.

He leans in, the rosy lips in front of him awaiting his, as he hears footsteps approaching his office.


	4. Chapter 4

Louis marches through the hallways of Pearson Specter Litt, encouraged and driven by the recently acquired energy after the phone call with the cat lady.

It would definitely require some effort to wait until he would finally meet Balthasar, and to focus on Van Dyke and the whole shebang in the meanwhile.

And, god knows, Louis never has been the patient kind.

Approaching Harvey's office, delicious and most welcome smells start intensifying with every step further.

"Harvey, do I smell bagels and coffee in here? Oh thank god, I can really use a breakfast right now, or if it would be up to me, even more like a brunch maybe, with one or two Mimosas if you know what I mean...oh."

Startled by the spectacle surprisingly unfolding in front of him as he is about to step into the office, Louis stops in the middle of the entrance.

Obviously abashed by his sudden appearance, Donna and Harvey, both heavily breathing, greet him with a raucous "Louis"

"Eeh Mm…"

Louis, wringing his hands and putting on a sheepish grin across his face due to the uncomfortable situation, tries to play it down in his limited ways.

"So… Ehh… I see you guys have coffee here… Right, ehh… So… I just take... one…?"

Finally shaking off his stupor, Harvey clears his throat.

"Of course, sure, Louis, go ahead. I also got some bagels, so…"

"Great!"

Going straight for the bagel bag, inspecting its contents, Louis spots his favourite.

"Oh Harvey, I can't believe this! How did you know that I love goat cheese?"

"Wait, ehm, that's Rachels. You know how picky she is when it comes to food, so, anyway, I got you the salmon one. And as you're already on it, grab the second salmon one for me as well. We should all eat something, it's been a hell of a night. Donna? You're in?"

Even Louis notices the anxious glimpse Harvey throws in Donna's direction, while she maintains to prefer examining the carpet fibers under her feet.

"What? Oh sure, yes, that's a good idea. I just… I just… I'll be right back."

Her forced smile couldn't trick neither Louis nor Harvey, as she storms out of the office, heading to the ladies room.

* * *

.

Donna's joints assimilated to the same consistency as rubber, up to the point she wasn't quite sure she would make it all the way down to the restroom with dignity, or just stumble and end up face down on the floor in the middle of the hallway.

Her heart kept circulating the vast amount of adrenaline and endorphins in her bloodstream, bringing her on the verge of passing out.

It was too much for her system, and it was too much for her as well.

Tears of relief almost smeared more mascara under her eyelids when her fingers turned around the knob of the ladies room, providing the solitude that would allow her to sort her mind.

And to calm the fuck down.

God, she wasn't 15 anymore.

She was a grown woman.

But either way, her body had a different opinion on that matter.

Oh god.

Harvey's lips were inches away from hers, sensing his heavy breath merging with her own…

And then...Louis popped up.

She didn't even hear him coming, the rush that made her completely numb for the outside world only faded when Harvey removed his hand and then himself off of her.

And by then it was already too late to straighten her posture or to regain control over her features.

It must have been written all over her face what almost happened, and there was no way Louis did not detect that.

* * *

Harvey's teeth are about to sink into the sesame sprinkled crust of his bagel, as Louis clears his throat, following it up by a deep sigh.

"Harvey…"

Harvey rolls his eyes and puts his bagel down, the annoyance of yet another interruption by Louis Litt murmuring under the surface cuts its way out of his chest to resume in a sharp response.

"What the hell is it Louis?"

"Harvey, it may not be any of my business, but…"

"If you're already assuming that, then let me assure you that there is a 100% chance that you are absolutely right about that."

"Harvey, listen... "

"It's none of your business, Louis, you already figured that out all by yourself."

"You're right, it's not. But… just tell me one thing, Harvey. Does Dr. Agard… eh...I mean Paula, does she…? Did you guys...like...broke up?"

Harvey's blood pressure suddenly increases to levels beyond any medical charts, as soon as he hears Paula's name.

Immediately flooded by a new outbreak of anger, and let's face it, an expanding fusion of guilt and shame that he spent plainly and most conveniently ignoring for the past hours, now crawls back up to the surface, clouding his conscience and provoking a rather fierce response.

"Goddamnit Louis, what part of 'It's not your fucking business' didn't you get? Didn't I made myself pretty clear about that? Shall I write it down for you? Or maybe your deranged brain isn't able to proceed this piece of information properly either way. IT IS NOT ANY OF YOUR GODDAMN BUSINESS, LOUIS! And now get the fuck out of my office!"

"But, Harvey… I didn't mean to…"

"Just get the fuck out of here, will you now? I don't have the time or the nerves to look at your moronic face for another second. Get out!"

"But Harvey… what about Alex? Van Dyke? What…"

"You're off this case Louis! I don't need your help on this one, or your help at all. Just get out of my sight!"

"But…"

"Out! Now!"

When Louis finally follows his orders, hastingly leaving the office in a quite agitated manner, Harvey realizes that he might have slightly overreacted, and released his anger on the wrong person in the process.

The piercing headache that has been pounding behind his temples for what seems to be decades by now, rapidly intensifies, interfering with his ability to think straight.

But the twisted feeling in his gut remains intact.

* * *

Louis has some trouble to hold back the tears, those sneaky little bastards, revealing his aggrieved state to the whole world after Harvey's outburst on him.

He tried to help, and how did Harvey thank him for that?

By screaming at him and throwing him out of his office and off the Van Dyke case.

Great, just fucking great.

"Louis! What the hell? What are you doing here? I thought we were supposed to meet at Harvey's office?"

Louis turns around, only to see Mike's irritated frown.

He must have walked past him, without even noticing.

No wonder Mike looked confused.

"Mike…"

"Louis, what the hell is wrong with you? You look like someone just pissed in your prunie. Is everything ok? Are there more bad news about Van Dyke?"

"No, but guess what, Harvey just threw me off the case, that's what."

"Wait, what? He can't do that! What did you do for god's sake? Harvey knows how important this is."

"I… I didn't do anything, Mike. I just asked him about Dr. Agard and…"

"Wait, you did what?"

Mike's lips form a straight line, his jaw muscles tighten up, then he resolutely grabs Louis by the elbow and pushes him into a nearby conference room.

Firmly closing the door behind them, MIke's voice reaches a squeaking note.

"Tell me you didn't do that Louis!"

Compelled by the what seemed to be the beginning of another lecture, now carried out by MIke, Louis goes into defense mode, shrugging shoulders and head shaking included.

"Why? Why shouldn't I do that? I'm his best friend, I'm Donna's friend, I know Dr. Agard, and don't tell me you and I both were imagining things back then when we clearly both noticed something major happened between Donna and Harvey. And now I walk into his office, smelling bagels and coffee and what do I see? They almost were doing it on his desk!"

Interrupted by Mike's eyes almost popping out of his skull and the following jaw drop, Louis revises his statement a litte.

"Well, not 'doing it' doing it, but they were doing something and it wasn't playing chess, Mike!"

"Ok…"

Mike wanders off to the small table in the corner of the conference room, that the staff kindly stocked with a couple of glasses and a bottle of Evian, pouring himself a glass to moisturize his dry throat after this new round of shocking revelations.

"Ok Louis, I need to tell you something, but you have to promise me, whatever I'm gonna tell you, it is going stay in this room. Understood?"

"Of course, MIke, you can tell me everything! My lips are sealed!"

Performing the pantomime gesture of sipping his lips shut, locking them up and throwing away the key, Louis earns a enervated grunt in return.

"So, Rachel told me what happened between Donna and Harvey earlier. Apparently Donna kissed him. Just like that."

"Oh my god ,MIke! Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god! How…? Why…? I mean, why now? Oh my god, it is all my fault!"

"What the...? No, Louis, it's not your fault, trust me. It was about to happen with or without you, or me for that instance. And now…"

"And now Harvey threw me off the case because I dared to ask about Paula. It's not looking good Mike. You know Harvey."

"Yes, I know Harvey, Louis. That's the whole problem."

"I have to talk to Donna."

"Louis…"

Louis misses the not so subtle alert in Mike's voice, continuing his deliberations.

"I have to tell her that it was a ..."

"Louis, you can't talk to Donna about this! You're not even supposed to know! Hell, I'm not even supposed to know! You promised me that this information wouldn't leave this room, and I always thought you're a man of your word."

"But Mike…"

"No, Louis! You can't talk to Donna about this, unless she brings it up first. And now let's get back to Harvey's office and deal with Van Dyke. Alex must be there by now and…"

"But Harvey threw me off the case…"

"Forget that, Louis. He just lost it. I bet he regrets it already. Just ignore it and act like nothing happened. We need you on board, and Harvey needs you on board, and he knows that. We have bigger fish to fry right now. And besides, you said coffee and bagels? I wouldn't miss that for the world."

Watching Mike heading down the hallway, Louis succeeds to conquer his resentment, fueled by the support Mike so generously has armed him with, now being able to withstand any future attacks from Harvey with this new ally by his side.

Making an effort to catch up with Mike's pace, Louis rushes after him.

* * *

She just can't deny it, despite of all her efforts, she still looks like shit.

The make up crumbled under her eyes, revealing the deep purple shadows underneath.

She can't go out there again.

There were a dozen of things she needed to take care off, like telling everybody about Lisa, or Elisa for that matter, but there also was this obviously shitty, yet very expensive concealer she recently bought and which totally failed its purpose.

It turned her into a panda.

She left Harvey's office without her bag, so her ressources were pretty limited.

She had water.

She had soap.

She had...cleaning towels.

Ok…

There was not much she could do with this even in MacGyver theory.

But wait a second…

Didn't she always have an emergency kit stored in the left drawer in her new office?

Yes, she did.

And it had it all.

Reassuring herself that she couldn't do much else in this restroom anymore, Donna steps out to the already filled hallway of Pearson Specter Litt.


	5. Chapter 5

Donna had not the slightest idea how she had been able to make it through half of this day.

No idea how she had been able to face Harvey after what happened, and remain professional and focused.

No idea how she managed to explain the surprising turn of the situation regarding Lisa's testimony to Alex, Mike, Rachel and Louis, without even as much as a flickering in her eyes, or an involuntary spasm in the corner of her lip that frequently occurred in extremely stressful situations.

This one audition for a theatre play in high school had been a living hell, her lip just did not stop contracting through all of her monologue, so instead of getting the lead role as Esmeralda, she was assigned to play Quasimodo.

So far it was her lowest point.

At least she didn't top it off today.

Right after the brief meeting, Harvey and Alex left to confront Van Dyke with the rather juicy details Lisa revealed to Donna.

Mike and Rachel buried themselves in files, in case their bold move would not lead to Van Dyke backing off.

And shortly before 5 o'clock, Louis left as well, presumingly to have a "life changing appointment", whatever this meant.

But not before confronting her with a life changing event of her own.

The sun already lost its fight against the upcoming darkness, the city yet illuminated by the depleted surrogates mimicking the original source.

Donna was in her office, pretending to work, when instead she just replayed every event of the last 24 hours, trying to figure out what the hell happened, or almost happened.

She hated not knowing everything.

And knowing everything required some analysis.

She recalled every move Harvey made, every word he said, or meant to say and did not say, every touch, or the absence of a touch, every look, or him avoiding her eyes, every facial expression, and yes, she typed some gibberish crap into her laptop when people were passing by her office only to display the any other day routine look.

She even stared at the bottle of Scotch for a while.

For a long while though.

And she deeply regretted for not pouring herself a glass before Louis walked into her office.

* * *

"Donna, we need to talk."

"Louis, what is it? I'm quite busy as you can see, so…"

"Donna, please, you're not fooling anyone, especially me, as I'm your best male friend, I mean maybe even your best friend, sure, there's Rachel, but only because she has ovaries, and ehhm… there's nothing wrong with having ovaries, it's a gift from god, I mean, you were blessed with the greatest gift of being a vessel for a new life, I mean, what could be greater… "

"Louis, what the hell is it? Please don't make me endure all of your 'womanhood is a blessing' speech."

"Ok ok, I'm sorry. Donna, I just… Ehh… I'm worried about you…?"

The tension in Louis' voice provokes her to lean back in her seat, adopting a quite defensive and hostile posture, anticipating the blow that would obviously follow.

"Why would you worry about me, Louis?"

"You're my friend, why wouldn't I worry about you, right?"

An annoyed sigh leaves Donna's lips before she puts Louis in his place.

"Louis."

"Ok, ok, so… I… and only me alone… I noticed something off between you and Harvey… And so…."

Meanwhile, having enough of his evasion, Donna crosses her arms in front of her chest, and takes a deep breath to give her voice the necessary resoluteness.

"Please, Louis, cut the bullshit. Mike told you, didn't he?"

"Ehh…"

"Louis, it's ok. Just tell me what's on your mind."

"I don't know any details, right? But something happened, so…"

Once again, Donna undergoes the procedure of pressing as much air as possible into her lungs, incidentally wishing the air would be soaked in Scotch.

"Yes, Louis, something happened. I kissed Harvey. But I bet you already know that."

At least Louis has the decency to blush, changing his facial colour into some nuance between pink and magenta, ambitiously trying to put his words into the right combination without discrediting himself.

"Yes, I mean , no… I mean what? You kissed Harvey?"

Since Donna can read his expressions like an open book, indeed a book she read about a million times and could recall every single letter, formed by the indigo ink, printed on these pages of pressed together cellulose, defining Louis Litt's mindset, the only response she can offer to his poor acting performance is a minor head shake.

"Louis, please."

"Ok, I'm sorry, but Donna…"

Despite of her uttermost effort, her patience with him slowly but surely starts to wear off nevertheless, aggravating her tone.

"Just spit it out, Louis."

Louis straightens his shoulders, quickly recovering from the set back, ready for an attack of his own.

"How could you do that? It's crossing a line."

Donna breaks off the eye contact, inhales sharply, and has to count to ten to soften the response already lingering on her tongue.

"I know. But this line had to be crossed, Louis. Otherwise I couldn't have lived with myself. Like you can't live with yourself after giving up on Sheila. You even opened up to me because of that, and I saw first hand how it ate you up alive. I just didn't want to repeat your mistake."

"What? Me and Sheila, that's… Anyway, Donna, can't you see that it could jeopardize the entire firm? You know Harvey needs you, we all need you. You're the COO for god's sake! What if this goes south? What if…?

"I know, Louis, I know, but… I just had to know."

Louis' vocal chords reach the crescendo, his face now a scarlet red mask.

"You just had to... what? Know what? That you love Harvey? We all knew that since the mock trial, it was as clear as day so…"

Her worst suspicions now officially being confirmed, she has no resources left to fight against the upcoming tears.

"Louis, please shut up. I can't..."

"No Donna, not this time! This time I won't shut up! You…"

"You should understand me better than anyone, Louis. And deep down, you're perfectly aware of that."

"Donna…"

"Louis, please… just go. I beg you."

The translucent drops keep working their path all the way down to Donna's cheeks, until even Louis notices this evidence of despair.

"Donna, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to upset you, I just… "

"Louis, please… "

Donna sobs, using the back of her hand to wipe away the salty pearls.

"Donna, I'm so sorry... Wait, let me just… "

Looking around in her office for something to ease her obvious pain, Louis reaches for the Scotch, filling the nearby glass with a lot more than the two fingers.

"Did he... I mean, did Harvey...? Did he hurt you? This son of a … "

"Louis… "

"Ok ok, ehm… here, drink that. I'm so sorry, Donna."

"It's fine Louis. I don't even know… "

Suddenly a beeping disrupts the short silence that followed after Donna ran out of words and wisdom, the source being Louis' left pocket, containing his cell phone.

"Oh my god, Donna, I have to go! I have a life changing appointment scheduled, and I can't miss it… I'm so… I' m sorry, Donna, I… "

"Just go Louis, ok? I will be fine."

Louis rushes out of her office without even looking back, leaving Donna alone to nurse the glass of Scotch.

And then another one.

Desperate times require desperate measures.

* * *

Violently opening the back door of the Uber car with a friendly "What the hell took you so long? I said 5 o'clock straight, not 5-ish!" Louis maneuvers himself into the seat and buckles up.

He never trusted public transportation, neither did he ever trust his own driving skills as he failed his driver's license test two times in a row, bursting out in anger, tears of anger and then just tears every time they denied him his license due to his not so elaborated handling of the vehicle.

And it wasn't even this bad, hell, what are the odds those two misplaced road cones would have been people in real life conditions?

About zero, right?

Morons.

Anyway.

After a short fumbling around, making sure the goodies for Balthasar, consisting of goose liver paté, salmon tartar and sliced pieces of the finest entrecôte on the market, were still in the side pocket his suitcase, Louis leans back in the seat.

Ok, so whether Balthasar would be a more poultry, fish or meat kind of cat, Louis had it covered.

He hasn't been so keen to already take the transportation bag with him, it still only was a first date and Louis did everything in his power to leave a good impression.

Wait...

Oh god.

He forgot the flower arrangement for the owner.

It still sat on his desk back at the office, and they were already about what, 15 minutes away?

Jesus, how could he…?

He knew how he could.

Donna.

And Harvey.

And Van Dyke.

And the sleepless night and…

And yes, Sheila.

Anyway, too late to turn back now.

"Hey you, yes you, I'm talking to you? Hello? There's nobody else in here, except if you have some bondaged victim in your trunk of which I'm not aware of, who else would I be talking to? Ok, fInally, I got your attention, dear lord, why… Ok, so… We have to make a little detour here, to a flower shop nearby. What do you mean you don't know a flower shop nearby? Just google it or whatever, or do some magic with your sophisticated navigation system or something, just find me a flower shop on the way! God! Unbelievable!"

The delay due to the search for a decent flower shop, resulting in a much less exorbitant bouquet than the pre ordered one back in his office, adding the traffic jam ahead, was now postponing Louis' arrival at the cat lady's residence for more than half an hour than he originally anticipated.

The amount of verbal assaults towards his driver reached an absolute personal high score, before the car finally stopped at its final destination.

Nothing was going as he precisely planned, and now he was too late.

Grabbing his suitcase and the withering flowers, Louis stumbles out of the car, but not without a polite "I'm gonna sue your ass and the company you work for, asshole!" farewell.

He slams the door shut behind him, hoping he would at least damage the midnight blue coating of the Mercedes by doing so.

Trying to figure out the numbers on the house fronts in the not very efficient glimmer of the streetlights, he finally spots his target.

Taking a deep breath, calming down his nerves with the cold breeze piercing his nostrils and lungs, Louis walks up to the door and rings the antique appearing doorbell.

Putting his widest and sincerest smile on display as soon as the door swings open, revealing a grey haired woman with thick glasses surrounded by a tortoiseshell frame behind it, Louis immediately hands her the flowers.

"Hello Madam, my name is Louis Litt, and I'm perfectly aware that I'm a teeny tiny bit late for my appointment to meet Balth… Ehm, I mean Lucky of course!"

"Yes, you are too late, Mister. The lady who reserved him already came by and I approved. Lucky adored her from the first second! And can you believe it, she even has a cat hair allergy, but she did this, how do you call it, desensibilization therapy? Worked wonders apparently, not even sneezed once..."

"Wait, what? What do you mean… approved? Too late for what? Lucky adored...Sneezed… What? What the hell are you even talking about?"

"Well, Mister, what was it, Lift? Anyway, as we discussed on the phone, and I must say, not so young man, your mother could have teached you some better manners, honestly, your tone… Well... But anyway, as I was saying earlier, Lucky was already reserved, and you could have discussed the matter with the nice blonde lady, if you would have been on time. And as you weren't, well…"

"Wait, no no no, this can't be, right? Iˋm only like, what, 10 minutes late? I… I made a detour to buy some flowers for you, you see, I just forgot the other bouquet I ordered at my workplace, and I brought paté and salmon and beef for Balthasar, ehm, I mean, Lucky, I mean, how… "

Louis' eyes fill up with tears of frustration, the lump in his throat prevents him of speaking more meaningless and absolutely pointless words, as the truth sinks into his guts.

"The flowers are really nice I must say, thank you very much, Mr. Lift. The roses even smell! Normally they only look beautiful nowadays, but don't smell like roses anymore. And the colour! The pale pink with the yellow, beautiful. Well, alright, so the lady left about, let me think, 5 minutes ago, and she mentioned something about a late U… U-something... Upper car? Wait, oh, look, there she is! On the other side of the street! In the grey coat!"

Louis turns around, manically scanning the street for a blonde woman in a grey coat.

Only to recognize Sheila, softly lit by the lanterns, framing and sharpening her profile against the opaque curtain of the upcoming nightfall.


	6. Chapter 6

The first concrete thought that takes form in Louis' blurred mind, penetrating the thick layers of shock, confusion and the rapid increase of his pulse resonating in his skull after he spotted Sheila, is that he is having another heart attack and therefore is hallucinating as his failing heart muscle doesn't provide his brain with the oxygen supply it needs to work accordingly.

Because, this just couldn't be real.

This couldn't be Sheila.

"Mr. Lift? Are you alright? You don't look so well, is everything ok?"

Louis' eyes shift away from the Fata Morgana he witnessed, trying to focus on the grey haired lady in front of him.

"What? I… ehm… "

He takes another glimpse over his shoulder, and the mirage hasn't faded away in the meanwhile, it still appeared to be solid and therefore reality.

It even performed a phone call, and the wind carried some single words across the street like "... car… late… What… When? … kidding me?"

So, not a hallucination.

No heart attack.

Yet.

"So, Mister, is everything ok with you? Do you… "

"What? Yes, I'm fine, goddammit!"

But how could he be fine without her?

Donna was right, as always.

He could understand Donna better than anyone else, especially in this situation, because his life would never be complete without the love of his life as well.

And he shouldn't have blamed Donna for trying and fighting.

He should have tried too.

He should have fought.

Solely the fact of seeing her face, her silhouette pacing back and forth on the pavement, the sound of her voice screaming at another incompetent Uber driver, filled him up with such an immediate and vigorous longing, he only realized what he's doing half way across the street, on his path to her.

Apparently alarmed by the approaching footsteps behind her, Sheila turns around.

Her eyes open wide in pure perplexity, gasping for air.

"Louis? What are you do…"

Louis prevents her from finishing the sentence by pressing his lips upon hers, the fierce collision only comparable to a supernova, destroying the previous structures, fusing elements and creating something universe bending in the aftermath.

Like it always used to be.

Louis breaks off the kiss abruptly.

Otherwise he would have lost the battle between the rules of civilized behaviour and his primal instincts, consummating their love right in front of the cat lady.

The pervasive stare he crowns his endeavour with ensures that Sheila couldn't mistake neither his feelings nor his intentions, even though he had to walk away from her for now.

The clacking sound of his soles meeting the asphalt echoes through the empty street, only subdued by the distance he rapidly puts in between him and Sheila.

* * *

Levitated by the rush of a glorious victory, Harvey almost hovers through the halls of Pearson Specter Litt, incapable of moderating his cocky smirk into a milder version of complacency.

With the combination of wit, the dirt Elisa provided and pure blackmail, Alex and Harvey managed to intimidate Van Dyke to the point where he seriously considered to back off for good.

Optimistic that Van Dyke would withdraw his motion immediately after, or otherwise face not only disbarment but also some severe jail time, Harvey left Alex behind to monitor the unfolding of their endeavor and to make sure it would proceed as planned, and headed back to the office to spread the good news to his staff in person.

His first impulse lead him straight to Donna's office, as she was the catalyst and the initiator to the solution of their Van Dyke problem.

Or at least that's the explanation he quickly constructed in his head when he found himself only a few steps away from her office door.

Straightening his suit and adjusting his tie before entering, his heartbeat increases, and not because of the agile pace he has been keeping up ever since he stepped out of the elevator.

Just to find her office empty.

His eyebrows wrinkle, along with his forehead, as he checks his watch.

Sure, it was after 5 p.m., but still, on an important day like this, with all that has been going on, and the fact she normally never left before at least 7, it was quite suspicious.

"She left. About an hour ago."

Startled by the sudden appearance of Mike behind his back, Harvey swiftly turns around.

"Mike! Good you're still here! I was on my way to your office to give you the good news myself anyway! Long story short, it worked, Van Dyke is backing off, and we're in the clear! As I always said, don't play the odds, play… "

"Yes, play the man, right."

The enthusiasm in Mike's tone doesn't show its full potential, even after such a relieving declaration.

"Well, that's great, really. I mean, phew, this son of a bitch almost had us by the balls!"

"Yeah, but well, he should have known better than to fuck around with me or this firm, or otherwise expect to get his ass kicked. Exactly like last time. This imbecile just didn't learn a thing."

Mike buries his hands in the pockets of his pants, shifting his eyes towards an imaginary point in the corner.

"Sure. Didn't learn a thing."

Bothered by Mike's alarming yet subtle hint of discontent, Harvey's already fading high takes another hit.

"Mike, what the hell is it? I really was expecting you to care more about the wellbeing of this firm, after all… "

"It's not about that, Harvey. I am happy that this piece of shit Van Dyke is out of the picture, but the greater threat might still be at large."

"What do you mean by that? What other treat? We defeated him, Mike, so what the hell are talking about?"

"You know exactly what I'm talking about, Harvey. You're standing in front of it."

"In front of it? What the f… "

Harvey's eyes follow the lead of Mike's persistent stare, only to read the sign on the office door saying _Donna R. Paulsen, COO._

"Mike, what… "

"Cut the bullshit, Harvey, I know what happened between the two of you, so let's stop pretending it didn't happen. It happened. But the more important question is, what you're gonna do about it."

The growl leaving Harvey's throat has little to no resemblance to a human voice.

"Mike… "

"No Harvey, you can tell me it's none of my business, and you can yell at me all you want, but I'm not that easy to impress as Louis, and I do care about Donna. So, before you do anything else, you should figure this out. For your sake. And hers. And the firm's."

Subsequently, Mike turns his back on Harvey's enraged gaze, walking down the hallway, leaving Harvey and his emotional chaos behind.

* * *

The shiitake mushroom spring rolls and the grilled calamari the Thai delivery service so kindly provided, remained untouched on the kitchen table.

Donna just wasn't that hungry as she thought she would be.

Or should be.

She should eat, she should remove the last hints of makeup, change into her pyjamas and go to sleep.

And she still had plenty of household to take care of.

The laundry was piling up, the plants had to be watered, and yes, some dusting wouldn't hurt anyone either.

Yet, all she was doing for the past hour was sitting on her couch, thinking about the stuff she should do, not actually doing any of it.

She should at least eat the calamari before they got cold and turned into rubber.

Poking around in the box with the chopsticks, fishing out the biggest pieces and maneuvering them into her mouth, the doorbell unexpectedly interrupts her methodic procedure.

Wondering who this might be at this hour, not expecting anyone, she peeks through the door viewer, with the result that her stomach automatically drops down to her knees while her heart performs somersaults.

Holy shit.

Thank god she didn't put on her pyjamas yet.

The black turtleneck pullover with golden buttons as a decorative application wasn't that stunning, but still better than the washed out pink flannel.

Taking a deep breath beforehand, she slowly opens the door.

"Harvey! What… What are you doing here?"

"You weren't at the office."

The long awkward pause following this inadequate explanation gave her enough time to think of something clever to respond.

"Ok... yes, I left early, but there is this new groundbreaking invention, called phone?"

"I… I wanted to tell you this in person. It worked. Van Dyke is history. Thanks to you. You saved our asses. Once again. I just wanted you to know that."

The half hearted attempt of a mischievous grin plays around the corners of his mouth as he turns around.

The panic that erupts in her chest by seeing him leave provokes her to spill out the words impetuously without thinking a second about the consequences.

"Do you wanna come in?"

* * *

"Do you wanna come in?"

He should have seen it coming, but he absolutely didn't.

As soon as he hears those words, he turns back to her, the capacity of his actions beyond that bold move limited to just standing there and staring at her.

The obvious answer lingering on his tongue would be a definite 'yes'.

The sheer sight of her, the red locks playing around the pale skin, the hazel eyes, unveils a series of moments of intimacy he buried deep inside a long time ago, barely managing to keep his fingers away from her now as they were brought back to the surface.

The freckles on her shoulders, him kissing each and every one of them this one night, yet not finishing this job because of other, at this time seemingly more interesting parts he focused his whole attention on.

He wanted to have all the time in the world to finish what he started.

But.

But there was Paula.

It would not be right.

"Donna… I can't."

The sudden change of her features from anxious but hopeful to pure bitterness makes him regret his reply instantly.

"Ok, I get it, Harvey. It's fine. Let's just forget about it."

"D… "

She slams the door shut before he can explain himself, or even pronounce her name.


	7. Chapter 7

Louis roamed the streets, lost in this unknown part of town, lost in his thoughts.

One part of him still couldn't wrap his mind around what just happened, and the other, more analytical part of his brain shut down completely.

And there he was, on some corner of nowhere, waiting for something familiar to come into sight, and all he wanted was to go back.

Not to go back to Sheila, but to go way back.

To go back moments before he ruined everything.

If he would have known what he knew now, he never would have broken things off with her first of all.

And his poor attempt to repair the damage he's done, surely wouldn't work out.

How could he even expect her to leave her fiance for him?

She would never do that.

That's simply not the person she was.

She was righteous.

And strong willed.

And she was a goddess between the sheets.

And she was always correct.

She was perfect.

She was perfect for him.

How did he not see it back then?

And how the fuck did he end up in this part of town?

He lost her.

He lost Balthasar TO her.

And he lost himself in the process.

The cosmic joke couldn't get any funnier.

So before he would get mugged or raped or killed in this empty street, he decides to order another Uber car, hoping dearly it would arrive in time before all of these events would eventually unfold, maybe even combined in one single act, and with an uncertain chronological order.

* * *

Half the way through the Chunky Monkey container that was stored in her fridge, Donna finally stopped crying.

Ok, so that was it.

But she tried.

It was simply too late.

Harvey made up his mind, and he clearly didn't want to be with her.

Paula was right.

He never had feelings for her.

And she just didn't want to see it.

But now, in the aftermath of events, of her frantic efforts, once again she found herself alone and lonely, with a taste of banana ice cream and chocolate chunks in her mouth.

And a bottle of Chianti placed within her reach.

Just in case the Chunky Monkey wouldn't do its job.

Sure, she could have listened to his excuses, explanations and whatnot, but she sincerely had enough of those over the past few years.

She tried.

She lost.

It was time to move forward.

And to put on her pyjamas.

* * *

The soul shattering sound of the rigorously shut door and the broken expression in her eyes milliseconds before that, deprived Harvey of his well deserved sleep.

It has been a long day, and still, he couldn't rest for the life of him.

He knew what had to be done.

And he had not the slightest idea why he kept postponing it.

Unwrapping the sheets caught up between his legs, he rapidly gets up, throws over a woolen pullover and some jeans that have seen better times, grabs his keys and takes a few seconds to empty the finger of Macallan 25 he poured in his glass after he came home but didn't finish.

A quick check in the mirror confirmed that he looked exactly how he anticipated, which meant he looked like shit, but nevertheless he leaves his apartment.

Now was not the time to look flawless.

Now was the time to make amends.

* * *

Louis finally got home without being raped, mugged, or murdered, and this decent Uber driver who picked him up wasn't even as uncooperative as the last one.

Embedded in his couch, Louis was waiting for the delivery boy with his calzone, filled with loads of mushrooms, cheese and carbs, a medley of poison he so desperately craved he even neglected all of his knowledge about clean eating and forgot about his evening prunie.

But who gives a shit, right?

Not him apparently, due to the fact he didn't drink his prunie.

But hell, whatever.

Louis simply didn't have the strength to care about this anymore.

But his stamina still equipped him with enough rage to vociferate his grievances

out loud about the delay of his delivery as soon as the doorbell rang.

"Oh my god, there you finally are you moronic piece of a so called delivery boy, I mean, how hard can it be to deliver this calzone on time? Isn't this mentioned in your work title that you're supposed to deliver? I even bet it's already cold! You people, you are just unable to perform the slightest task!

And I'm not mentioning things like service, or attitude, and you never seem to take care of your personal hygiene also! Why the hell did they hire you? I mean you… "

Louis aggressively opens the door, being greeted with a calm and familiar female voice stating "Hello, Louis."

"Sheila! What… You… You are not the delivery boy!"

"No, Iˋm not the apparently past his schedule delivery boy you've been awaiting, Louis, but I still have something to deliver to you."

Sheila lifts the heavy transport box that Louis hasn't noticed before, and the retroreflectors of a pair of almond shaped eyes flicker up in the damped light of his floor.

"May I introduce you? This is Lucky, or as you wanted to call him, I think it was Balthasar?"

"Oh my god, Sheila, you can't… "

"I spoke to Mrs. Wilder after you left, and she told me the whole story. And Louis… Balthasar isn't the only thing I'll deliver."

She slowly puts down the box with Balthasar in it, and wraps her arms around Louis' neck.

"Sheila, what…"

"Shhh, Louis…"

"But your fiance…"

"I ended it right after our kiss, Louis. Because you, Louis Litt, are the love of my life. And if you will have me, and Balthasar, I will most certainly be pleasured…. "

"Oh my god, Sheila, just shut the fuck up and kiss me!"

* * *

The Chunky Monkey didn't help.

As a matter of fact Donna ordered another box along with a quattro formaggi pizza, but in the meanwhile, she ate the remains of her Thai delivery, washing it down with the Chianti, which was a sacrilege, because the full bodied, yet fruity and somehow velvety wine didn't cooperate well with her seafood menu.

Oh my god, she just completely lost it.

She was on the verge of calling Harvey.

Then Rachel.

And then she just poured herself another glass.

The hard truth hit her like a ten ton truck, but it still remained to be the truth even if it hurt like this ten ton truck was additionally filled with ten tons of acid.

By this point she knew, no one could possibly help her and the simplest way to smooth the sharp edges of the truth was the desperate attempt to polish them with an unhealthy amount of wine and shitloads of ice cream or otherwise it would cut her right through to the bone.

Harvey didn't have feelings for her.

He had feelings for Paula.

And Paula was right all along.

Donna was a distraction, an exotic fruit, but Harvey never wanted her.

He was like a boy wandering around in a garden, picking and taking only one single bite from the most exclusive looking fruits in his sight, throwing the rest away.

The doorbell interferes with the continuation of these dark and twisted thoughts, promising the welcoming smell of melted cheese and crusty dough instead.

* * *

Harvey maneuvers his Aston Martin into the nearest empty parking space, yet still a 5 minute walk to his destination.

The night unfolded its satin curtain in its full glory by now, the sky dipped entirely in the darkest shade of blue, by this hour even without the intermittence of red tail lights irradiating his way.

He was here before, and he knew he had to go back to set things right between them.

She didn't give him the chance to explain himself earlier on, and now he would just claim it and persist that she hears him out.

Before it would be too late.

Before things would be damaged beyond repair.

Before this whole tragedy would become a greek one.

His finger hesitated for a few seconds before he pressed the doorbell.

He wasn't entirely sure he was doing the right thing.

He didn't quite thought of the content of what to say exactly, but as she told him a million times, simply being honest always would be the right way to go.

The door swings open, revealing the fascinating sight of a rather disheveled, but still naturally beautiful woman, the cheeks rosy despite the total absence of makeup, and the lips luscious without any gloss, dressed in her pyjamas.

"Harvey! What… "

"We have to talk."

"Oh, now you want to talk? That's… "

"I wanted to talk to you before, but you didn't… "

"I didn't what? What else should I have done?"

"Just let me come in and then we talk. I really don't want to have this conversation in the hallway."

"Why not? My neighbours surely won't call the police."

"Please."

The begging intonation of his plea soothes her anger, and she opens the door a bit wider for him to enter.

"Ok, Harvey, come in."

"Thank you, Paula."


	8. Chapter 8

"There's your pizza, Ma'am."

"Yes, thank you."

Donna receives the greasy and hot cardboard box, fumbling around in her portemonnaie for enough coins for a generous tip and exchanges it for the recently nominated UNESCO world heritage.

Balancing the jumbo pizza towards her kitchen in one hand and the check in the other, she realizes that something was missing.

Didn't she explicitly order some ice cream along with it?

Yes, she did, and as she studies the check, it's even listed.

Yet, for the love of god, no Chunky Monkey!

Releasing a deep sigh from her chest, she puts the pizza on the counter and grabs her phone to report the discrepancy, as the doorbell rings again.

"Oh thank god!" Donna murmurs in relief, the craving for another approximately 2000 calories provided by Ben & Jerry too much to handle in her desolate state.

She swings the door open with an enthusiastic "Good you came back, you forgot the ice cream… "

"What ice cream? All I know is that I was supposed to bring whipped cream, or a can opener, and just in case I brought both, but ice cream…? "

"Harvey, wha… "

"So, what ice cream? Is this the new thing now? Simple whipped cream isn't hipster enough? I mean, if we combine it with ice cubes, we could… "

"Harvey, what on god's heavenly earth are you doing here?"

"What do you mean? Can't a man come back home to his woman, get a glass of whatever half decent booze you have in store here and play around with whipped cream? Or the can opener?"

The ˋHarvey Specter specialˋ smirk spreads all across his face, an utter contrast

to Donna's shock distorted features.

"Harvey, are you… ok? Are you... drunk? Or… high?!" Donna whispers under her breath, too astounded to give her voice more resonance.

"Not yet, but if you want, we can change that. Maybe some wine would be nice for starters. Didn't you have some Pinot Noir around? I remember I gave you a package of very exclusive bottles for christmas last year, but I mean, sure, if you insist, I can call Ray and let him organize some ice cream instead."

Another grin, another round of wide open confused hazel eyes.

"Harvey, what the hell are you talking about? What… whipped cream? Or ice cream? What… "

"You started with the ice cream, it wasn't me. So can I come in now? I bet your neighbours WILL call the police if this gets out of hand, and it sure as hell might, any second now."

He places his right hand on the door frame, leaning towards her, forbidding her to slam it shut or otherwise risking to break all of his five fingers, if not entirely sever them.

"Harvey, I don't… "

"Donna, come on. You know why I'm here. And now let me come in for god's sake, or I swear, your neighbours will get a show they will never forget."

"But Harvey… "

"As you wish, madam."

His husky voice turns into a velvet growl, as he leans more forward, rising up his left hand to strike her cheek with his fingertips, removing the strands of hair in his way and repositioning them behind her ear.

His thumb follows the bow of her eyebrow, her cheekbone, down to the delicate distinct line of her lips.

Donna closes her eyes and would have purred like a cat if she'd been one, but instead she removes herself from the doorstep, but not without wrapping one arm around his neck.

"What took you so long?"

"Hell knows."

* * *

 _Epilogue_

 _Frankly, Miguel had to admit to himself at least, that he wasn't very good at his job._

 _Not that he would ever mention it to his employers, and he was indeed very thankful they hired him, without any previous experience._

 _The job market was a battle field right now, even for the minimum wage ones._

 _And not that his job at the pizza delivery required special skills, but it required to deliver on time._

 _Like he failed to do earlier this evening, being more than half an hour late with some guy's calzone._

 _But, nevertheless and for unknown motives, got tips triple the amount of the order._

 _Another requirement was to not forget about orders stored in the freezer._

 _For whatever reasons, the customers used to order ice cream after 2 jumbo pizzas with an amount of around 10000 calories, but hell, this was America, the land of the free and the fat._

 _And on the end of his tour, as he was checking his vehicle, he found a box of Ben & Jerry's Chunky Monkey in the back of it. _

_As he was still a rookie, and if a customer would complain he would get fired in a nanosecond, and he really needed this job, Miguel reviews his orders to figure out where to place this box of sweetness and diabetes doom._

 _Ah, it was this redhead's._

 _He remembered her well._

 _She was pretty, although older than him, but even with her pyjamas she looked hot as hell._

 _Unfortunately his life did not resemble any pornography platform, so he just gave her her quattro formaggi and now realized he forgot about her ice cream._

 _Maybe it was not too late._

 _It was, what?_

 _Ok, only 30 minutes after he's been there, and a slim and fit lady like her wouldn't be finished with her jumbo pizza within that time._

 _And, she still didn't call his boss._

 _And, she gave a generous tip as she supposedly forgot about her ordering ice cream to accompany the cheese festivities._

 _He wasn't far away from her house, apparently nobody seemed to have the longing for a home cooked meal in her neighbourhood tonight, so Miguel performs an illegal U-turn to go back._

 _Grabbing the ice cream, along with an apology 10% off card for the next order, he rings at the hot redhead's door._

 _Expecting the redhead in her pyjamas, maybe with some cheese in the corner of her mouth, the door is opened by an intimidatingly handsome looking man in a silken women's bathrobe in bright violet colour and some lilies decoratively painted on top, being rudely greeted with a "Who the hell are you?"_

 _After a few stuttered explanations, the man just nods._

" _Oh, ok, that's why. I mean, the ice cream. Yes, thank you. Now get the fuck out of here."_

 _He searches the pockets of his, or her bathrobe, only to find it empty._

" _Just a second!"_

 _He disappears behind the half closed door, shouting "Donna, where the fuck are my pants?" to receive a "I think somewhere near the couch table as far as I recall."_

 _After a short period the man returns with a hundred dollar bill._

" _Keep it. We just ran out of whipped cream. And the can opener broke as well, who would have thought."_

" _Mister, what the f… ? I mean... Thank you! I mean, oh my god… "_

" _Just get the fuck out here, will you now?"_

 _The door slams shut only inches away from Miguel's nose, and some loud female giggle could still be heard through the not so thick wood._

" _Did you just told this young man we broke the can opener? Oh my god, Harvey that's… "_

" _The 'oh my god Harvey' was a good start. Just keep on praying."_

" _Oh my… I mean… No… I mean… Stop that! It's fucking cold!"_

" _You wanted ice cream, I'm just respecting your wishes… "_

" _Oh dear god… You're such a… "_

" _I love you too, Donna."_

 **THE END**

* * *

Dear readers, thanks for following my take on what might happen after the earth shaking episode of the summer finale.

If you like what you read, I also took my turn on the 5th season summer finale, just check my author profile, I think some of you might enjoy the good old stories as well.

I hope you all liked it, and if you did, review! I definitely loved writing it ;)

Lets see what the real episodes will have in store for us!

Thanks for reading!

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

polymorphine


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